A letter from mother to daughter

Dear my lovely daughter.. I know u will not understand what am I going to write but one day if u read about this, please take note that I really love you and nobody in this world love you like I do. When I was carrying u in my womb, you're such a good baby. You never gave me trouble neither burden me. That was my first experience pregnant without your papa and also nenek and atuk by my side.It was tough, studying with a big tummy and did everything all by myself.but I never regret because I know I have you with me. We did the studying together, remember? While I was memorizing the Anatomy, physiology and ect ect you always kicking and dancing inside the womb. But Allah wanted to test our patience and on 4 th august 2009 you've been delivered prematurely. I still remember that night I had massive bleeding with labour contraction. I suffered it alone at my house. At that time, I kept praying Allah will let you survive and I didn't mind if He take me as long as you will be safe. I cried alone and did not know what to do.I tried to drive myself to hospital but I couldn't. It was painful and the bleeds was terrible. But Alhamdulillah, Allah sent us savior.. We should thank to auntie Farra and tok mi for saving us. We owe them a lot.. A priceless debt. May Allah give the good rewards to them, insyaallah. Delivering you alone without family is killing. I just leave it to Allah.. I even called your papa and grandparents asking for forgiveness, if I couldn't see them again after this. You're delivered without crying.. They intubated you so you can continue breathing. I even could not see you for the first time because they directly send you to the neonatal ICU.do you know how my heart broke into pieces.. Do you know darling everytime I saw you with the wire all around your body and the doctor pricking here and there, I feel like I'm a useless mother. How I wished I would replace your place. And at that time my final exam is just two months ahead. I could not focus on my study because I kept crying everytime I think about you. I nearly quit because I could not take it anymore at that time. But alhamdulillah , Allah give me the strength and spirit to keep on fighting. Do you know sweetheart you are the one who give me the inspiration. Seeing you fighting for life make me realized that you need me to be strong. During that time, I spent a lot of my time being by your side. Before I go to class, I'll expressed my breast milk. During night time, I'll sleep beside your side. I also do studying beside you.. Do you still remember I talked to you how the mastication take place? And do you still remember spinothalamic tract that I explained to you? While all my friends perform a study group, I studied with you. It was fun anyway. Alhamdullilah, all the hard work have been paid off. We won our battle dear.. You are finally fit to be discharged from hospital and I passed my primary fracds. I won't be that strong without support from your lovely papa and also your atuk and nenek. We owe them, baby. How time flies... 2 years have been passed and seeing you now I could not believed you are still with me. Thank you Allah for the precious gift ; Nur Alisha Nuha. Happy 2nd birthday sayang.. Be a good girl. Even though I am unable to be with you during your birthday, but my heart and my prayers are always with you. I love you very much, please remember that. May Allah give you a good health and a bless. Ya Allah, thank you for everything. Subhanaallah.. Allahuakbar